By Lauren Greenslet
As we enter into the tenth month of quarantine, there’s a lot to be wary about. Whether it be our groceries or how we’re gonna manage this holiday season, one thing that needs to be talked about is the state of everyone’s mental health. We’ve seen various sources on the internet talk about the importance of taking care of oneself during isolation and that includes taking care of the mind.
In quarantine, I’ve had the opportunity to isolate myself with my mother, who just so happens to be a mental health clinician. As winter approaches, it felt only right to sit down and pick her brain on a few aspects of her work as a therapist and figure out what we can all do for the next few weeks. Below is the transcript of the interview recording (I thought it necessary to have the interview speak for itself).
Lauren: Alright. So, what’s your name? What do you do for work? How are you currently treating your clients and what have you come up with to continue doing your work?
Cortney: Um, hi. I’m Cortney Slobodnjak and for work, I’m a school-based clinician at the Ludlow Elementary School in Ludlow, Vermont. Additionally, I have a private practice here in Chester where I specialize in treating children and adolescents, ages 3-12. I’m pretty strict about that age group because there’s a real lack of service for children who are young in this area and additionally, in my other work, I serve on the Board of Vermont Mental Health Counselors Association and work in both of these capacities in different ways to support trauma and crisis planning the community and also statewide. During this time, I had to move on to a virtual telehealth/teletherapy/telepsychology platform and so my primary software that I use is Zoom. I ended up buying a professional account so that I could have some agency over my length of time, number of people, and some of the other features that you get when you actually purchase a professional account. Prior to moving only telehealth, I was seeing clients outside in an open-air space.
L: Awesome. What has been the biggest challenge when working with clients during this time? The platforms? The distance? All of it? What’s going on?
C: That’s a good question. It’s really multifaceted. And individualized, I would say. So I have some kids who I thought were really gonna struggle with this online platform and, to my surprise, they have found some courage to talk about and explore the more difficult topics because they are feeling safe in their homes and it has eliminated some of the social anxiety that some kids struggle with by eliminating the in-person energy exchange that kids sometimes find difficult. On the other side of things, there’s parts of this that have been really hard because of this privacy concern. As a practitioner in office, I have a lot of control over the creation of confidentiality in a session and that’s really one of the fundamental cornerstones of the responsibilities of any type of therapist or psychologist, is to create that space so that, kids especially, but any client can trust that they can talk freely about the things that are difficult and certainly separately from being heard by their family members or friends or any of that. And so, when you have telehealth happening in homes and your clientele is children, there’s certainly a power differential between kids and the guardians and family members and who’s responsible for creating that type of confidential setting. That’s a real struggle. Sometimes it’s the events that are happening in the home if they’re not given a private space to have these conversations, it’s not only “parents overhearing them and not feeling safe to talk about everything” but it’s also the day-to-day things you experience when you’re dealing with tele-anything. It’s like the dogs barking, internet issues, there’s so many pieces that can kind of complicate that. I think one of the things that I find the most difficult is that when you’re not able to be in person, it takes a lot of energy and effort to really feel into and collect information from nonverbal cues somebody gives you, some of that feels exhausting to try and glean from a screen and also it feels like the exchange of two people in the same space...is lost. That’s something that I definitely have missed and I think kids are missing it too. The second thing that’s really difficult is not being able to – I work with children and we move around my office space on a regular day and there’s a really dynamic fashion and there’s a lot of supplies I provide. As a sand tray therapist, there’s a sand table and a lot of objects and so, without being in person those tools that we use are taken away. So sometimes I feel like that is one of the most difficult things.
L: Can you explain what a sand tray therapist is?
C: Sure. So in sand play, this is a philosophy of treatment that comes from the work of Carl Jung, and the symbolism and archetypes that have been around and studied for many, many years. It is the task of the therapist to create a free and protected space for the client to do their “work” in the sand tray. The sand tray has very specific dimensions and is representative of the individual’s conscious, subconscious, and psyche. It’s very cool. So there’s lots and lots of miniatures, objects, and things that can be used, including water. The sand tray is blue, that has the water representation when there’s not a presence of water. It’s the three-dimensional space and also because sand is this element of the Earth, there’s a real reverence for the work that’s done in that space. Usually, in sand play, there’s a series that’s done. There’s a number of trays that are created over time and through that process, from the beginning to the end, clients are invited to kind of dig up some things that their subconscious and psyche is working on. Kind of bring it to the surface and allow them to be healed or realigned and the main cornerstone of this is the belief that all beings have the desire to be whole.
L: As you treat clients through quarantine, I imagine there’s stuff that you start to learn and realize because this has never happened in our lifetime. And so, what do you think, as a therapist, is most crucial to understand when treating people in isolation?
C: I think there’s a lot of things it makes me think about or that I have been kind of invited to think about through this process since March. Every day it’s a little bit different. But when I think to distill down to something really important, it’s that relationship is everything and trust is everything, especially in a client and therapist relationship. But even outside of that, for people, connection matters and so, in this setting, if the most important thing is for a young person to share with me all of the special trinkets around their house that they have significant meaning for..those things may not seem as though they align with a particular therapeutic goal however it seems it’s become really clear that it’s the most important thing. Is for anybody, kids and adults, to stay connected and when people are held inside, in their family of origin’s home, sometimes that is a really safe, wonderful, nurturing place and sometimes it’s the exact opposite. Regardless of what home means for you, to have a person that you’re seeing regularly and connecting with that you’ve built a relationship with even though we’ve been kind of stripped of all of these “tools” that the office would provide...when it comes down to it, it feels like having somebody to talk to who has the best intentions at heart and is objective, there’s really no way to overvalue that. It’s hard, I think as a practitioner, to stay focused and kind of centered in your sense of competency around your skills and what you arrive at the table with as someone who’s trying to treat these kinds of things, and we get a little bit in our own minds about producing and progressing, achieving something. Anytime I get in that space, I remind myself that what kids are looking for right now is connection and that has therapeutic value just in the essence of what that is.
L: So, for kind of the general population, what would be your advice on keeping your mental health in check and as healthy as possible during all of this?
C: If I was gonna really hone it down to a few things, I would say every day put nutritious food into your body. I would say make it an intentional effort to move your body, whether that’s walking outside and hiking or dancing in the living room...whatever feels good to your body, I feel that’s probably one of the most important things. And I would say, thirdly, to be gentle with yourself because this is an unprecedented situation that we’re in, and no matter what your belief is about the pandemic or the way it’s been handled, we’re in a particular situation and the whole world is in this together, to some degree. So, we’re not just feeling our own personal emotions in isolation, but there’s also this collective energy that is community property, that I believe anyways, and so eating good food, moving your body, go outside. Just go outside. You don’t have to have any goal, just go outside. And when you’re unsure about what to do? Go outside. It’s so good for the pause, it’s so good for the nature or the big picture horizon. Even if you live in the city, for instance, having an expansive view, when you’re looking around at a landscape, even if it’s buildings and not trees, that seems really important. The other thing is to...find some type of joy. Like, it could be really small joy. It could be organizing your bookshelf (L: Did that.). If that brings you joy, all the power to you, just go do that...And, uh, shower. There’s something very important about this. Like, water is life. We talk about how it’s also healing and cleansing so on the really stressful days, or the ones you feel really are mucky or stuck – it’s not gonna fix everything – but it definitely shifts things and feels better. So, take a shower.
L: Another question that’s kind of along the lines of this one is that there’s a lot of negative news circulating as of late in the world. Do you have any specific advice on how to take care of your mental health when consuming an intense amount of this news?
C: Yes. Don’t. That’s my advice. Do not take in intense amounts of intense...news. We’re not being gifted the opportunity to connect on a daily basis with other humans and that has in it natural healing capacity and regulating capacity to, for most people, connect with others. Even just being amongst other people in crowds has a pretty important value to our humanness because there is a tribal nature of that, a community nature of that. Those kinds of things and we’re not getting that now and so to...well, there’s a lot of misinformation out there, there's a lot of verbal and textual hatred being spread in settings like social media that is not an actual conversation, it’s just a soapbox to stand on. So there’s no remedy to any discord you’re feeling from something you read that you don’t agree with. There’s not any platform, really, that’s healthy that allows you some kind of moving through the process of digesting that. And so it’s really not helpful. So I would recommend choosing one or two sources of media that you trust and have had accurate experiences with in the past and only allowing yourself a certain amount of time, on any given day, and really stick to that.
L: Do you think that, as we see movements really come together during this time, do you think a contributing factor to that rallying is the fact that we don’t have the crowd feeling all the time anymore? Do you think it’s a “side reason” why it gets so intense?
C: I think that could be considered a part of that. I think there’s also a context of this pandemic that has kind of forced us into a level of stillness that has eliminated a lot of the distractions that keep us from really facing and looking at some of the more core-value conflicts that we have either had historically amongst people or things that we don't’ agree with. So we’re really unable to hide from ourselves during this time of being home and being individuals more so than in big groups. To your point, you know, there is a craving of reconnecting and there’s also a clarity for some people, they didn’t allow themselves to have before about things they care about because it was filled with distractions and easy to push aside. The very logical other piece of that is that we, some of us, have a little bit more time on our hands so that also brings us to the point of action. But definitely, this stillness that we’ve kind of been gifted with also I think touches on and embodies this passion that moves us to action. When it’s right there and you have more time to pay attention to these things, for people who believe strongly in anything, if it’s being demonstrated then it’s almost impossible to ignore, that call to action.
L: I’m aware that you specialize in working with the elementary age of kids. How do you think this quarantine is going to affect them in the future? Like, as someone who’s going to be graduating high school, I’m already seeing it affecting me because whenever I randomly go looking for future apartments I think, “Oh if I have to stay here for nine months, am I going to be happy/survive?” Just those types of things. Have you been seeing those types of effects?
C: You know, that’s a really great question because – and the point about somebody who is your age – is thinking towards the next stage in your life and because you’re of a certain age where you have the capacity to analyze the consequences of future decisions...that makes a lot of sense why that would be one of the impacts for you and people of your age...I think when you get into the primary/elementary age groups it depends much more detailed, for me, on the stage of development that those kids are in because the impact that a kindergartener would have from this is very different from a sixth-grader. Some of the things I find myself being concerned about is fear. The impact of fear on children, in whatever stage they’re in. So what we know about how that impacts somebody who’s in a developmental stage that focuses on trust would seem to be pretty significant. I think, as a whole, it really matters how the grownups in the lives of these children tell the story and how much they protect those children from the greater media and the bigger bombardment of information. The family unit’s capacity for skills in that area certainly dictates how kids come out on the other side.
L: So knowing kids of elementary age and also having your own kids of high school and college ages, what do you want parents to recognize or know if they are kind of in the similar situation of having kids during this crisis?
C: In regards to their child’s wellbeing or in regard to…
L: To their kids overall.
C: One thing that I’ve learned is that I’ve spent my whole life reevaluating my expectations, not redefining my core values. Certainly, as a parent, my expectations at the age of 5 are very different at the age of 12, for my kids and for myself. It’s kind of a slow burn in between. As a parent, you’re with that person every day and they’re growing and you’re growing as a parent. If you don’t spend time to become aware of what is needed in any given point in time, it would be really helpful to develop self-inquiry; the practice of, “Is this working?” and “What are my expectations? What are my child’s expectations? How are those matching?” and if they aren’t matching or aren't meeting in the middle at the very least, what could be done differently? And has this person I’m looking at as my child changed in a way over time that I didn’t notice because I see them every day and I’m still seeing them as a seven-year-old versus twelve-year-old. That’s the first thing. The second thing is parents, I wish, would be gentle with themselves because this is really difficult and if you’re working at home [and have kids], that's just a lot. There’s a lot of women, specifically women, kind of been forced to leave the workforce because of this. Not strictly only women but just much more women than men. Everybody’s doing the best they can so just be gentle with yourself as a parent...You just gotta trust your instincts.
L: Do you also think adjusting your expectations of your kids during this time, because if it’s stressful for everybody who’s higher up it’s gonna be stressful for us, do you think easing up on your own parental expectations is okay?
C: Oh yeah. I think that’s probably the most important. I think it’s also important for teachers too. Giving permission to reprioritize what’s important...I think that’s also part of that self-inquiry idea of reassessing your expectations. I’d invite all parents and teenagers and kids to, during this time, redefine what productivity looks like and what is progress.
L: I think also, from personal experience and talking to my friends who are the same age, for kids it’s really hard because you have teacher expectations, parent expectations, self-expectations, and so I think the reassessing can also be applied to especially high school students right now. I mean, it is a really important time because it’s the groundwork for where you wanna go in life. So to have this happen, be in a new situation you’ve never been in, and also having all these other expectations, trying your best, pushing yourself really hard, it’s a recipe for burn out at this point.
C: I was gonna say, it’s like a pressure cooker. There’s the pressure you put on yourself, there’s the pressure that comes from your family, pressure from your teachers, there’s pressure from society, and then all the meanwhile there’s pandemic pressure. There’s this pressure to maintain a certain amount of things we’re asking of ourselves and each other. If that’s a pressure cooker, then it’s either going to explode or we could open the pressure valve and release a little. And just let off a little bit.
L: There’s a lot of holding onto what was and not what is now and what could be.
C: And that is exactly why I invite parents to reassess. To be productive for today could mean that I took the trash out and mopped the floor and that’s an epic win. Today, progress could be that everybody ate some food and everyone showed up at least once [in the living room]. I don’t know. Just that they’re alive and healthy. That could be considered a win...And we cannot take the framework of what was definitions of expectations, productivity, and progress and lay it over the current state. It invites us to distill down to what really is important and really what matters.